sometimes i just like to take a minute and separate myself from things.  especially when i am in the middle of events, social happenings.  life becomes detached for me, and i can see clearly once i give myself the time to.

when we all went camping in allegany, and everyone was fumbling and stumbling along the rock formations with their half-finished cans of beer, i felt an incredible desire to sneak away and just be alone a minute.  so i did.  it wasn’t difficult.   jeff was climbing halfway up a rock, some people were throwing around a football, and some folks had found comfortable spots atop the rocks to just sit back and drink, or hang legs over ledges.  i twisted along, between the huge moss-covered masses and felt a small hint of danger remembering the signs i’d seen upon entrance to the state park–black bears.

i worked my way far enough that i didn’t hear anyone anymore.  i felt this crazy freedom, pushing along toward the boundary of the rock formations until it was only me, my back against the damp rock and my face toward a vast and heady forest.  the air felt thick with damp and blue green light, and out of the silence i heard a bird sing the most solitary and intricate song.  not the simple, one-note chirps heard here in the city.  not the hack of the crow, and not even like the gurgling chirps that my poor caged parakeets make.  it was a beautiful and lonely trill, and it was mine alone.  i felt a buzzed ecstacy, like i had found something more important than anything i’d left behind me.  i wanted to stay where i was, and i did,  for another minute or so.

my beer was long finished, and i held the empty can in my hand like it was some kind of key back.  back away from the bears and the forest and the impending dark.  and i had to put that can somewhere.  so i walked toward the sounds of laughter and familiar voices, and the door to the dark, somewhat frightening and achingly beautiful woods shut behind me.

tonight, everybody else went to the softball game and a party.  i stayed behind since i’m feeling kinda off anyhow.  i’m hearing city birds, and the buzzing noise of that damned light that turns on once it begins to get dark.  i’m missing my family terribly, and thinking of how i should best spend this bit of time when the house is empty and silent.  perhaps i’ll fix a drink and play some music and paint something.  sometimes i wonder if i’m the only person who craves being alone almost as much as being with others?  thoughts?

my mexican cousin has finally conquered the economic downturn and gotten herself a decent job south of the border.  which is awesome.  except now i’m down one bridesmaid since she’s unable to take any time off of work.

what can i do?  

WANTED

one girl (preferably a close friend, relative, or someone who wants to be a close friend) 

must be free to travel to vermont on august 22. 

must fit into the dress, which, in its unaltered state, is a size 10.

if interested, please submit cv and three references to s.ruth.carter@gmail.com.

just kidding, i don’t need a cv or references.

really, though, short of doing a craigslisting, i’m at a loss.  which of my friends would want to do this?  which would fit in the dress?  how is this going to work?  is it ok to have an uneven number of bridesmaids to groomsmen?

i mean, if worse comes to worse i’ll just have a damned nice dress for myself at a later date, because i actually really like the dresses.  i’m so downright bummed.

more coffee more eggs and toast more saturday mornings forever please

last night was the laziest saturday night in forever.  i think i fell asleep on the couch while doug read us the entire plot summary from ‘roseanne’ via wikipedia.  yes, people do this.

now it’s gorgeous and i’ve got tomorrow off too!

wedding invitations are currently sitting, stamped and sendable, in my free macy’s totebag.  i’m waiting on like, three more addresses and then they’re going out.  we decided on a honeymoon for realz, drumroll plz….

acadia national park, in maine!  four nights of rough camping with NO SHOWERS.  if that’s not sexy, i don’t know what is.

apparently, it’s home to this bizarre rock formation.

wtf

life in a nutshell.  work, drink, eat, sleep sleep sleep, work some more.  i’m determined to start taking more pictures with that camera i bought.  i’m so strange.  my old camera was with me at every life event.  this new one sits in my purse, it’s screen getting scratched by keys and what-have-you.  i forget it exists.  i have no desire to take shots of myself, and i am not often in the drunken situations where i feel a desperate urge to take a group shot to remember my wild nights.  

i have been thinking again of england, and wondering if i should try to go back.  i have to remind myself i’m not twenty, i’m not going to be spending silly evenings dressed up and meeting friends at dodgy clubs.  i’m like, grownup and stuff.

in fact, this is my last sunday as a 23-year old.  thus begins my final week of early twenties.  doug says mid-twenties is 24-26.  mid fucking twenties.  psh whatever.  i still feel like i’m fourteen and awkward as all hell.

g'morning!

hello, and happy friday morning!  the trip to vermont went nicely–we got to tour the boat the reception’s going to be on.  we tasted some cakes.  smelled some flowers.  met with a priest and took a “compatibility” test.  that was an experience.  surprise, we’re compatible.  they asked questions such as “do you worry that your significant other gambles too much?”

this morning it’s sunny and warm and the restaurants and shops around the corner are getting their truckloads of goods.  someone is hammering somewhere, birds are chirping and the air smells faintly of cookies.  is that a good thing?  like, if you don’t know that there are cookies anywhere nearby, should you feel comfortable in the fact that it smells this way anyhow?

sure.

i’m drinking coffee on the porch.  i made myself eggs, toast and a balsamicky salad.  i woke up cranky but am trying my best to fix it.  then j and i are going to babysit his nephew.  ooh there’s a little red-headed woodpecker on the tree nearby!  how cool.  

i haven’t got any honestly cool updates as of now.  i’m still cranking through those invitations.  oh, suggest a honeymoon for us!  i can’t figure out a good one for cheap.  bye!

easter is a really lovely holiday.  i find (for me, at least) that it’s more gentle and food/family-centric than other big holidays like christmas.  to me, easter is a day to celebrate an almost unfathomable sense of renewal–an impossible resurrection, a beautiful feeling that all is never lost.  when things are darkest, light returns.  

regardless of one’s religious affiliation, i think that’s a message that can transcend to every one of us when we see the crocuses bursting forth from the dull, grey landscape leftover from late winter.  so in that spirit, i’m looking forward to spending this last cold, full day in vermont with my family and j, and lots of delicious comestibles!

there’s one particular special treat that my family craves on cold mornings, and i couldn’t wait to get up this easter morning to indulge…without further ado, it is my utmost pleasure to introduce…

french breakfast muffin

the most delicious muffin i’ve ever had!  the french breakfast muffin is a simple, sweet muffin that gets coated entirely with a buttery,  sugar-and- cinnamon outer layer.  When eaten warm, it is the most delicious breakfast.  If my mother makes a batch of these, they are gone by midday and yet no one will admit to having had more than two.  mysterious!

there will be other traditional easter delights later on, including ham with raisin sauce and the marshmallowiest of all salads, ambrosia.  j and i imported a butter lamb straight from the heart of polish buffalo, and we will be surprising my grandmother with it.  i wish it were more distinguishable on it’s own…however the “lambiness” of the icon is kind of difficult to recognize if one has not been informed beforehand…

alleluia!

on that note, happy easter everybody!  go make some french breakfast muffins and then traipse out in the cold and find some blossoms in the dirt!

j and i are home in vermont for a little over a week.  it feels so great to be back with my family, i missed them all so much!  my sister is looking beautiful as usual, my brother is his smart and witty self, and my parents are just the same loving people as always.  i’m really happy i’ve got such a great home to return to.

things have been a little stressful lately, and there were layoffs at work friday… so i’m glad j and i were on the road and far away.

i started the prints on the wedding invitations tonight.  i wish i could post pictures, but that would ruin the surprise!

harvey pekar

today we’re going to walk downtown and see harvey pekar at the library.  he’s doing a little song-and-dance (minus songs and dancing i’m guessing) and then a book signing.  for those who aren’t familiar with harvey, he’s the writer of the ‘american splendor’ series of graphic novels.  he is also the protagonist and co-creator of the film version of ‘american splendor’ starring paul giamatti.

j and i were obsessed with the movie back in fredonia, and our housemate doug is still really into harvey and his work.  i think it’s almost akin to him getting to be in the same room as one of his big heroes.  so that’s pretty fun.

not to mention it’s a beautiful day outside–brilliant blue sky and the birds are singing and there isn’t harsh wind or cold.  j and i are still in bed drinking coffee and browsing the internet for weird things.  we decided to do a little prep for our afternoon by viewing harvey’s odd late-eighties appearance on letterman, which can be viewed by clicking here!

one comment said that it was the strangest, oddest appearance on network tv.  i beg to differ.  thank god for crispin glover.

time to go get more coffee and enjoy my saturday!

my sister's favorite series of books.

j’s getting over a rotten case of the flu.  plus a sinus infection.  flinus is a nice word for the combination of diseases.  tonight i made a mashup of powdered miso, ramen noodles and a healthy sloshing of extra soy sauce.  nothing like sodium to get your body on track!

i’ve been having miso cravings since our visit to a japanese restaurant last weekend.  we drove up to toronto for an afternoon and stopped in at a small, nondescript sushi joint.  there are several all along yonge street, but something remarkable happened in this one… 

we were seated in a small booth, and the waitress brought us the obligatory cups of green tea.  the menu was pretty prolific for such a small spot, and we were both reviewing our choices when all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, i saw j’s little cup of tea slide across the table.  it moved probably about four or five inches on its own.  immediately we both looked up at each other in embarrassed shock.  ’did you see that! did that really happen?’  j was obviously calmer than me.  i wanted to stand up and announce that our tea was haunted.

i felt a certain satisfaction, like, there!  my first ghost experience, and it was in a safe, public place and there’s decent lighting and i’m in another country and it won’t follow me home!

i had to tell everyone my story upon my return to the states.  several people just shrugged and said they’d seen it happen before.  condensation, water beneath the cup, etc etc.  

i knew they were right, but a big chunk of me wishes i had experienced a minor ghostlike event.  doug wants there to be a ghost in our house.  i don’t like that idea, just because i think it’s weird.  ghosts appearing in awkward moments…while you’re using the bathroom, when you’re on the phone, when you think you’re alone and so you take a big ol’ nose pick.

you get the idea.

i’m a big weenie, too, so any real ghost encounter would probably leave me absolutely catatonic.

what about you?  have you had an unexplainable moment?  there’s nothing i love more than a good true-life ghost story.

whoa, sunlight!

time to come out of hibernation.  i still have no camera to take any sweet pictures, but that’s ok.  we’ll make do.

so lets just see…what’s new what’s new what’s new.  it’s currently sunday afternoon, i’m still in pajamas at j’s parent’s house and we’re watching ‘rob and big’ and drinking coffee.  it’s awesome…  i love watching ‘rob and big’ because there are lots of unnecessary pets.  i love that they’re rolling in cash and they use it in ridiculous irresponsible ways.  if i came into a fortune, i’d want to slosh it around and create massive temporary backyard scapes and go on useless adventures.  why?  why not!

also, if i were a boy, i think i’d want to be a ridiculous boy like rob.

i’ve decided my newest goal in life:  i want to learn a ton about making prints, get equipment, and open up my own stationery business.  we started with the save-the-dates, and those were fun.  i used my print gocco machine, and fell in love with gocco.  the price for equipment has gone up exponentially since they stopped manufacturing supplies, and heck if i’m going to spend $30 for a few screens that may or may not come out right.

so i’m searching for a new method.  something smaller, inexpensive, and accessible.  something that gives clean results.  i’d like to get into screen printing.  right now i’m looking at doing some block printing for the wedding invitations.  i’ve got an awesome idea, and we already ordered the paper from paper-source.com.  really reasonable prices, neat selection of goodies.

decided on bridesmaid dresses…dessy style 6554.  two girls will wear ‘mint’ dresses with ‘kiwi’ trim, and two will wear ‘arctic’ with ‘cloudy’ trim.  julie and i are going to place the order tomorrow after work.

as for the big ol’ wedding china question…the winners are:

vera lace bouquet in iris

vera lace bouquet in fern

we’re gonna mix-and-match these ones.  we’re also gonna ask for some everyday dishes:

vera wang naturals

balhlsdf.  enough materialism though.  

i’m so glad springtime is here, we take walks and can see flowers sprouting up.  sunlight actually enters our room, and people are starting to come out of hibernation and walk the streets of allentown.  

i’m going to try and keep up with this blog again.  i hate winter, and it is certainly likely that we’ll be seeing another snow before spring stays intact.  but i’m feeling better already.

i hate winter.  winter gets me down in the dumps, big time.  i’ve been working on an idea for my wedding invitations however…

…the materials i’m thinking of using are very cheap and really, quite undesirable sounding.  but if you’ll trust me on this one, i think i could make a decent design using faux woodgrain contact paper as an accent.  

i’ve always loved faux woodgrain, no lies.  i like doodling it, i like seeing objects that could never be made of wood looking as though they are.  

i’ve started a hat for j, but i’ve been doing a freestyle deal.  no pattern!  it’s sort of coming along, but i have a feeling its’ going to be far from trendy.  

life has been kind of stressful lately (winter.)  money is super tight, but i’m trying to see it as a constructive reason to learn about alternative crafting–using objects i already have instead of purchasing new ones for my ideas.  i was so in love with the gocco printer, and it’s always been a little dream of mine to own a stationery company, but the gocco’s supplies are not in my budget.  i want to find alternative ways to print massive amounts of yummy designs using what i already have.  block printing should be easy enough i’m sure, if i just find the correct mediums.  

i have a long list of things i wish i could accomplish, so what better place than here to write them down!

1.  save up for a new digital camera (i’m feeling major withdrawal since the halloween dropped-on-bathroom-tiles fiasco).

2.  learn how to apartment compost in some way, shape, or form without the use of worms or large contraptions i have to spend money on.

3.  finish the painting i recently started.

4.  clean this entire freaking house.  its a mess and i think it’s getting to me now that my winter-mentality is kicking in.  

5.  get down to serious business with this wedding thing.  i’ve got nine months and all i’ve done is put a deposit down on a dress…

it’s cold in here.  i think it means i need to get up and move around.  does anyone else get the positive energy sucked right out of them once the cold, dark, weather comes around?  i thought i had myself figured out this time around but mother nature is still getting the best of me.

i have found one thing about winter that fills me with joy–terrible santa’s lap photos…

alright.  now onto more productive ventures…stay warm!